Ok... So the premise of this ludicrous journey is sharing my new experiences and finding myself, while spewing my emotions like Old Faithful. Now I try to stay as positive as I can, but honesty has been and will always be the staple of this testimony. With the disclaimer out of the way....
Every bone of my body was urging me not to do an adventure yesterday. I had a nightmarish Monday at work, and was busy until 9:30pm, so I thought to myself that I would cheat and talk about and try to pass my trip to the Supermarket as a grand adventure. How weak would that have been. So Mind Over Matter, I headed out looking to get into a "Situation" as so eloquently put by Mike from the Jersey Shore (yep went 28 posts without one).
For an entire day I focused on tasks to support other people (yeah...yeah the supermarket, but I went there for Dog and Cat food, I just happened to shop for myself. Oh BTW, shopping for yourself is depressing; meat, snacks, and drinks that's it that's all), so even though all I wanted was to sit down and relax my will power pushed me to Normal Heights. I figured a nice walk would help me clear my head, and think about my emotional roller coaster that is my everyday. Well it was a the right time to do it 10pm on a Monday, but it was surprisingly busy with the likes of the normal weirdoes that seem to inhabit Lestat's. It was an open mic night and I would of gone in if I was still partaking in Adult Beverages (yeah I know I had a glass of wine of the tremendous bottle that I shared with my new friends, BUT GET OFF MY BACK - its easy not to and I don't want to; so that puts it to rest!!) Phewww...
Back on point; I walked both sides of the street, stoping to give the local less fortunate souls (who for all I know are more stable than I am, funny isn't it). And right on cue, the whole reason I am doing this adventure a day thing, something happened that made the whole day seem worth it. I reached the end of the street and crossed to the corner of El Zarape Restaurant, which was closed the dining room was black but a familiar noise that accompanies all of my family gathers was still radiating from it. The bar area was dimly lit, still closed but a band was practicing playing mexican music by the near by window. I stopped for about 15 mins, sitting leaned up against the wall just listening, where of course my emotions got the better of me, thinking about what I have done and almost did to my family. I started picturing what my future should of been, what I hope that it still becomes. It seems so far away, but its right there (see previous post)... At that moment I realized that the road ahead was long, and hope is all I have for my future. At least I'm on the right road, but it's freighting having no idea where it will take me!
I haven't tried living as just Justin until now, I am ready for the daunting task.
- Cheers
Justin, you are going down the right road and as long as your going down the right road you will eventually end up in the right place. Just remember that we are there in the passenger seat asking, "are we there yet? How much longer? and can you pull over, I need to take a pee?"
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