Benchwarming is a Sport!

First off let me just say that I fancy myself a rather good softball player, and yes even at my advanced age. Baseball has always been my first love, and the day I gave it up to dedicate my time and energy was one that will live in infamy (although things worked out pretty well). I might go as far to say that even to this day my favorite sports activity to do is shagging balls out in the field, playing defense, which was always my strength. A major league glove, quick (not fast), anticipatory, imaginative, with an above average arm, who on every play wants to lay out but is perfectly ok with the routine grounder. Comfortable, highly proficient, great fundamentals who is comfortable at all spots of the diamond.

On this night none of that mattered! Today I bumped into Nate, a friend that I play softball with on a SPAWAR league team and he mentioned that he had a Go Vavi team and was playing tonight. I thought hmmm... what a good time to meet some new people! I asked, "Hey mind if I tag along?" He said, "Well we have enough players, but you could come watch." Perfect! Another great time try to exercise patience... If you have ever played a sport with me, you understand that I don't want to come out, very competitive, and I want to win, so sitting on the sideline is near impossible for me.

I met the entire team a group of runners, not a true ball player out there but all were positive and happy to be there. One couple brought a dog that I thought had to have a little of cattle dog in him, by his mannerisms, personality, and his facial resemblance. The odd/funny thing that male owner did was he fed him some beer straight out of the can, I don't know why people do it I find it sort of irresponsible. The team played alright, as I futility sat in the frozen bleachers hoping that they were going to ask me to strap up, and take them to the promise land. Nothing would of made me happier.

Patiently....errrrr kinda waiting, cheering, jeering, laughing while the team made a player put on a Luchador's (mexican wrestlers) head mask with pretty rainbow streamers when they made an error. Other than a night at Petco or Jack Murphy have I ever watched an entire game, it was brutal (not the game) the longest hour I know cause I timed it just under 125 minutes... Grass grows faster, paint dry's more rapidly, I wanted to beat my head against the metal bench of the bleachers. But I made it through, meeting some very nice people along the way, so I guess a success non the less (Very Dr. Suess of Me).

I realized that I have a long way to go with this patience thing, the positive is I am trying... and will continue to try. Patience for myself is a virtue that has evaded me for nearly all my life, and I'm ready to reap it's benefits. "The key to everything is patience. You get the chicken by hatching the egg, not by smashing it."

- Cheers

Alfred Hitchcock's The Birds, Starring Justin Summers

(Monday)

The thought of a nice relaxing pseudo lunch feeding some birds and reading a book was a god send on the day that I was having (bummer it ended my consecutive "good" days in a row @ 7, but another streak is coming I can feel it). What I was truly in store for I was not in the least prepared for. First off let me set the scene...

It was a classic San Diego day, bright, sunny, not a cloud in the sky with a breeze gently kissing me on the cheek as it floats by. I needed to stay close to work so I headed down to Liberty City, the large park the is adjacent to the Jedi that goes all the way to MCRD. There was a playground near the water with a couple sets of grandparents playing with young children making me think of filling those shoes someday. I always have the same answer when asked about kids, "I can't wait, but I can." makes sense to me not sure how but it does. I can't imagine a better feeling in the world, but I can hardly take care of myself and struggle at it so a kid is probably not a good choice now (not that I have anyone to have one anymore :), so I guess that settles that). And the sheer fact of my situation 19 yr old parents, has instilled a wait til' your ready approach. But how do you know when your ready?.... And the award for the biggest tangent goes to.... Mr. Summers, for his renditions on his daily blog!

Anyways, I decided to head to the "shore" (or embankment of crushed concrete), it was low tide so not much to look at, and a tugboat had just strolled by. I took a seat balancing myself on a large piece with a book & a entire loaf of bread. The plot thickens... The opened the loaf and begun to feed a little seagull who ferociously attached the bread as if it had killed its wife. This is where it all went wrong.... DUN DUNNN DUNNNNNNN. The second the others caught wind of the little birds good fortuned, we were bombarded with every other sea rat in San Diego. Birds were coming out of the woodworks to receive the feast that I head in my hands. Like lightning bolts from Zeus they rained down from the heavens but they most definitely came from hell. These kamikaze dive bombers swarmed me flying inches from my head and bread, squawking that could drive a man to criminally insane. I FEARED FOR MY LIFE!!! Like the Snagglepuss I Exited Stage Right!!! I might of run down Usain Bolt!

Not the relaxing experience I wanted! So after cowardly running with my tail between my legs, I found a bench and tried to forget my life altering experience (my life flashed before my eyes). And it made me think about how I tend to overlook the minor experiences everyday as I'm sure we all do. I think as fast as life comes and goes, and even faster people live it's important to stop and smell the proverbial roses. The conversations, the walking time to get to a destination, the sights we neglect... now is the time to exercise those perceptions and bask in the glory of life! I found that I need to focus on the details, not of work but of the everyday, and

I am excited to see what I'm missing...

To the ones who say you can see it all, I say you haven't tried yet!

- Cheers

A Sweet Swinging Beaner!!

(Sunday)

Golf has been a staple of my life as long as I can remember, literally I can't remember a time in my life when golf wasn't there. I LOVED that game and everything it represented. I LOVED playing, practicing, talking, working, and just being at a golf course would give the a sensation of pure bliss; no other place I rather be. Rain or Shine, Day or Night, Casual or Tournament the energy that would flow thru my body could power an entire city (cold fusion like - nerdy side comes thru). A love that rivaled Romeo & Juliet (stop the jokes about holes, and physical intimacy because she is a lady, and a real man doesn't tell), classic, genuine, pure where we could just spend endless time with each other in silence.... What happened?!?!

On almost every occasion that we have shared time together, I wished to be somewhere else... I have found away to lose a thing that was as important as breathing (seems to be a reoccurring theme recently) and it has left me gasping; just imagine losing everything that drives you to breathe. I don't know what's happened to me, but I know things need to change (and are changing)! There is no bone in my body that wants or has the urge to go to a golf course and that frightens me quite a bit. I have only had 2 passions in my life, and currently I have neither!

This might be the only time that I do this, cause usually this is about what I'm thinking and feeling, but does anybody have any ideas?? I am at a loss, I have every opportunity to get back 1 of my passions (golf that is) and I don't know how to re-kindle the fire I once had. And my biggest fear with this particular problem is losing it forever! It has always been apart of my identity - Justin the good golfer as everybody has boasted my entire life, bragging to co-workers, friends, hell acquaintances! Never really thought how that made me feel...but I am still not sure, always being introduced (insert family member here) saying, "This is my son/grandson Justin and (insert random person here), "Oh, yeah Justin, he's the Golfer".

Anyways, moving on... Today, I went out with one of my favorite people in the world Tata, to have some lunch and hit some balls. It was good to open up a little bit, since I have been really quite lately and it always seems that I can't help laughing & bs'ing when I am around him, cause as most of you know he is bs'ing with everyone all the time. Today obviously was not different as we first started at the Mexican restaurant down the street, as we walked in he instantly started a rather lengthly conversation with the young guy working the counter that lasted our entire meal :). By the time we left we knew just about every detail in Rafael's life.

Listening to classics from the 40's on the way there we arrived at Balboa Golf Course (a place I have been since my junior golf days), after securing some balls we headed to the range. And with enormous irony I saw the other end of the golfing spectrum, the pure joy of a young boy swinging a club for his first time. A little black kid with the coolest dreadlocks no older than 5, struggled mightily (left handed which I wish I was) pound ball after ball with the largest smile on his face, as his Dad watched teaching along the way. And me there trying to find the gumption to hit a half bucket... Man, I severely miss those days... The ones where an unlimited supply of balls was all I needed to be the happiest boy in the world... Makes my eyes water as I write it.

We finished up, and sat a while talking, laughing taking me back to the days of playing hookie to go see the Buick Open with Tata & Uncle Jim, telling me to stop sniveling about poor shots & long walks, the stories that Tata would tell me every night I stayed over about the little worm golfer and all his adventures... sorry I have to stop writing about that stuff, I can't make it through it hurts a little to much right now, maybe another time

Headed back to the car Tata with his linguistical talents had sparked a conversation with a rather beautiful young blonde woman (25-30) who was hitting with a couple of friends. Talking golf we learned she had started to play not to long ago, and her goal was to play with her dad on their trip to Hawaii, I guess thats what I miss enjoying the most the time spent with friends, and family enjoying a nice walk spoiled. We spoke for a little while, exchanged pleasantries and said our goodbye's, as she drove off my Tata turned to me in his classical yet expected manner and said,

"What did you do that for? I almost had her number until you came over."

- Cheers

Cowles Mtn. Up, Up, & Away

(Saturday)
OK... Let's get this out of the way, all of you locals who wrongly pronounce the mountain, sit tight and learn... Oh I'll feed you baby birds!! Each person that pronounces it COWS MTN, you deserve to be confined to the corner with a DUNCE cap securely glued to you pitiful excuse for a head. The correct pronunciation is KHOLS MTN (you know like the store), doesn't take Brain Scientist or a Rocket Surgeon to figure that out, so those of you who have noggins that sound like a BB in a tin can, tattoo it on your forehead.

Reeling thing back a little bit, I have been noticing that I haven't been spending enough time with the boys, and Mr. Pants is starting to look round around his midsection. Also, Doobies was sidelined a bit, but has seemed to make a miraculous recovery (I really hoping that it is not a chronic issue); and the day was far too beautiful to spoil it with an indoor activity. Pig Pants, Doobies, and I headed out to the unknown wilderness, urning for that solitude only man can get while in nature, the kind of peace that calms ones-self allowing introspection. EPIC FAIL! Thinking that I was the only person in all of San Diego that had the epiphany to climb that mountain was absolutely off the mark. I couldn't even find a parking spot within 1/2 mile of the trail head. NOPE NOT GOING TO DO IT!

As much as I was hoping to avoid it, I knew what I had to do... The Back Side of the Mountain...DUNN, DUNN, DUNNNN.... To my delight there was hardly anyone there, what was going to be a struggle fighting Rawley pulling, crossing up the leashes, and avoiding other dogs, became a nice trip with the boys free to do what they pleased, and I could just climb. And that we did!! I had the boys huffing and puffing... while I was dying, but I didn't want to show them my weakness. There was a lovely breeze, not to hot without a cloud in the sky; the type of day as a San Diegan we have come to expect.

I found it easy to make it up, probably since I haven't been eating and I'm down about 6-10 pounds (weighed myself Tuesday night 167). I try, I force, but sometimes I just can't...my stomach hasn't been settled in over a month. The horrible thing is I am still out of shape :( So I guess that doesn't make me a Fat piece of Shit, just a piece of Shit *chuckle*! I am keeping the streak alive, I think this makes it 6 Good Days in a row, and I have a good feeling that I'm going to make it 7. I did have one positive thing to share with you, today I think was the first since I can remember that I wasn't so difficult on myself. The whole Justin = Justin theory, nothing more and finally nothing less.

- Cheers

Meeting Strangers... Everyone's A Friend That You Don't Know

So after yesterday's minor bitch session about work, I had to go into work on an off Friday BOOO! I powered thru a half day at feverish pace to get away from my dreary cold dungeon next to leaving behind my pals the servers (sometimes I feel bad for them always being cooped up confined to that room for their entire miserable lives). But not bad enough to break them out and subject myself to the legal issues the DoD my instill on me. Man do I always go down this utterly ridiculous tangents, it's amazing tat you readers tend to follow me down those rabbit holes.

About noon I skirted out of the front gates, headed for a meal and hopefully with a successful adventure. On a previous journey downtown I did have a fine time with some randoms while I enjoyed a fish dinner. While sitting all alone to the soundtrack of fans, that sounds like a swarm of African Killer Bees, I thought it would be interesting to go to a restaurant with the sole intension to have a meal with people/person who I have never met, STRANGERS! Being the consummate pick up artist I thought I would have no issues with coaxing new people to a meal with the man, the myth, the legend... Mr. Justin Summers. (Another thing I realized is that the only one of those I qualify for is the 1st, and not much of one in fact).

Thinking ahead I figured that Old Town would be a good place to meet some open tourists or grizzly locals. First, it is incredibly hard to do this type of contact with coming off like a serial murderer or child rapist, so if your not a cunning linguist you might not want to dive into this section of the pool. After some friendly exchanges at the bar (it's not like I can just wait at the front door and ask everyone that comes in, and the answer is no to the question that everyone wants to ask; not a drop), I ran into a local couple that could of passed for family on my Mom's side. I spoke with them for a bit, and just came out with it an eternity passed as I nervously awaited a response. Luckily for me they were ready for a meal, and would love the company.

Anne & Mack are a delightful couple that have lived in San Diego all their life, they have 2 kids both grown, and have been married 26 years. The conversation was much like the one's I have with Nana & Tata, not so personal but it resembled. A pleasant meal with pleasant company... The unfortunate outcome was the realization that I don't have a ton of friends of my own that I spend a considerable amount of time with. Looking back at the depressing state that I have broken out of, it was because I walled myself off from the world, I only had one best friend and I drove that person away with great veracity & now I don't even have that.

Knowing that you can't just grow friends on tree's, I need to make an effort to reinvigorate those past relationships that I dearly miss. Hopefully, they read this, so that they would know that I am not the same sad, depressed, terrible human being, but a rebuilt upgraded Justin 2.0... "we can rebuild him, we have the technology!!" Here I come you guys, beware... because friends will call you a retard, but a true friend will be there acting like one with you.

- Cheers

Ready for Retirement!

"Well they wouldn't call it Work, if it wasn't", I am calling shenanigans on that statement. I suggest a minor alteration... "Well they wouldn't call it work, if it wasn't a waste of time that nobody likes to do!" Lets try to have a rational thought about what as humans we do 1/3 of our life. Who among us likes what they do? I assume that there are way to few of us, who wake up every morning excited about the upcoming day. I have always been the guy who "works to live, and not live to work", it affords me a comfortable life no where wealthy but very lucky to be in the place where I am. Thursday I went to a "Going Away" party for a boss, and it got me thinking about my career (which I am not even sure if that pertains to me since I put little effort into it), my job, my goals, and really pondering what the hell I want out of them. I have been content with the status quo and as one would understand it makes the daily grind all that more difficult.

I have been questioning lately my laissez faire approach when it comes to my work life. Don't get we wrong, I bust my hump for my company, for my client, but I don't have the drive to push for loftier goals. I have become complacent with my future...see that's me telling the half truth; the whole truth is I have not set any work goals for a long time, I see work as my meal ticket. that I do, so why can't I do it with my career. I guess I am almost asking you guys as my readers, is this destructive behavior? I just have never really had that drive? And now that I think about it... I don't think that I have had that drive with anything in my life...OUCH!!! - I think that I just answered my own question... **DING**LIGHTBULB** Or a H-Bomb being dropped on my head! I guess that's a reason for my daily adventure...

I want to encourage myself to find passion everything that I attempt with the drive and determination to follow thru... As much as everything in my life is so exciting right now, it is also incredibly depressing to think it was all right there in front of me and I ruined it; like defacing the Mona Lisa with a mustache the most beautiful thing was tainted, by me and I have to live with it. I want to share my passion, I am overflowed so be ready for a mushy, fun loving, emotional man that is ready to lay on you readers!!There is no way to focus on the positive at every moment, only the fact that there is a tomorrow and I am going to see it...

"Baby Steps, Baby Steps, Baby Steps" - Bill Murray - What about bob?

- Cheers

MAN-icure!!

Keeping with the positive trend (F' yeah!!! 2 days in a row! Suck It negativity, your my Bitch... for now) and my ever incessant need to keep things equal between my parents, I thought it would be a perfect time to spend time with my Mommy. Being that it was hump day, in the middle of a long week, with her just finishing a labor intensive brief for a meeting Thursday, why not take a load off and have someone else do the work.

Now lets preface this: I am incredibly secure in my masculinity, I love women (lets be honest a specific one), and yes my manhood is fully intact. This is not my first experience with a Nail Salon and won't be the last. Now who ever made the social rule that a man getting a manicure was a nancy boy never had the relaxing experiencing of clean massaged hands & forearms. I mean really, the word itself has the word MAN in it...thus it should be enjoyed by men, in addition to the better half of our species. Your hands are extremely important appendages that greatly enhance you daily life, so why not take care of them accordingly! I mean hell we can open doors, that in it self is an amazing feat in comparison to the remainder animals that inhabit the world.

As we walked in there were 2 other younger women (college aged) getting their respective mannie / petties done, who gave me a puzzled look with a little smirk as I passed. The harsh realities of the metrosexual tendencies men of this era (And no I am not one of them) find

appealing, where I would reply judge lest not be judged! Hey Ladies, Men like to look and feel good about their appearance just as much as you do (consider you learned)! My mom decided she wanted a pettie so she was seated adjacently so we converse, and that we did. We talked shop (some neat opportunities for our little company), about her new vineyard, my time at Dream Dinners, and life in general. So few times as you age do you get that one on one time with a parent, too many times it's a family outing, or in our case business related. It was great to catch up without the dynamic environments that we usually accustomed to.

The woman doing my nails (God, anyway you say it, it sounds Gay), quietly worked, being extra careful; a nice change from my feeble attempts to cut my cuticles with a rusty butter knife. While she massaged my hands I was like butter melting over an open flame, all the stress of the day wore right off. After she had finished, a weird thing happened, after her joke of "what color do you want? HAHA; she asked if I wanted a clear coat saying that it will protect my nails and is usually done for her male customers. MEN... DO NOT FALL INTO THIS TRAP... Its ridiculous, demeans your manhood every time you walk into a lighted area your nails shine. THAT I HAVE FOUND TO BE THE LINE YOU DON'T CROSS WHEN GETTING A MANICURE!

A fun relaxing way that doesn't take a lot of time, and really lifts your spirits making your hands feel 10 pounds lighter. Guys be ready for the snares and jeers of the ladies present, just stick out your chest as to say damn right, I'm here, not queer (not that I have anything against, just using them as a stereotype) so get used to it!

- Cheers