(Sunday)
Golf has been a staple of my life as long as I can remember, literally I can't remember a time in my life when golf wasn't there. I LOVED that game and everything it represented. I LOVED playing, practicing, talking, working, and just being at a golf course would give the a sensation of pure bliss; no other place I rather be. Rain or Shine, Day or Night, Casual or Tournament the energy that would flow thru my body could power an entire city (cold fusion like - nerdy side comes thru). A love that rivaled Romeo & Juliet (stop the jokes about holes, and physical intimacy because she is a lady, and a real man doesn't tell), classic, genuine, pure where we could just spend endless time with each other in silence.... What happened?!?!
On almost every occasion that we have shared time together, I wished to be somewhere else... I have found away to lose a thing that was as important as breathing (seems to be a reoccurring theme recently) and it has left me gasping; just imagine losing everything that drives you to breathe. I don't know what's happened to me, but I know things need to change (and are changing)! There is no bone in my body that wants or has the urge to go to a golf course and that frightens me quite a bit. I have only had 2 passions in my life, and currently I have neither!
This might be the only time that I do this, cause usually this is about what I'm thinking and feeling, but does anybody have any ideas?? I am at a loss, I have every opportunity to get back 1 of my passions (golf that is) and I don't know how to re-kindle the fire I once had. And my biggest fear with this particular problem is losing it forever! It has always been apart of my identity - Justin the good golfer as everybody has boasted my entire life, bragging to co-workers, friends, hell acquaintances! Never really thought how that made me feel...but I am still not sure, always being introduced (insert family member here) saying, "This is my son/grandson Justin and (insert random person here), "Oh, yeah Justin, he's the Golfer".
Anyways, moving on... Today, I went out with one of my favorite people in the world Tata, to have some lunch and hit some balls. It was good to open up a little bit, since I have been really quite lately and it always seems that I can't help laughing & bs'ing when I am around him, cause as most of you know he is bs'ing with everyone all the time. Today obviously was not different as we first started at the Mexican restaurant down the street, as we walked in he instantly started a rather lengthly conversation with the young guy working the counter that lasted our entire meal :). By the time we left we knew just about every detail in Rafael's life.
Listening to classics from the 40's on the way there we arrived at Balboa Golf Course (a place I have been since my junior golf days), after securing some balls we headed to the range. And with enormous irony I saw the other end of the golfing spectrum, the pure joy of a young boy swinging a club for his first time. A little black kid with the coolest dreadlocks no older than 5, struggled mightily (left handed which I wish I was) pound ball after ball with the largest smile on his face, as his Dad watched teaching along the way. And me there trying to find the gumption to hit a half bucket... Man, I severely miss those days... The ones where an unlimited supply of balls was all I needed to be the happiest boy in the world... Makes my eyes water as I write it.
We finished up, and sat a while talking, laughing taking me back to the days of playing hookie to go see the Buick Open with Tata & Uncle Jim, telling me to stop sniveling about poor shots & long walks, the stories that Tata would tell me every night I stayed over about the little worm golfer and all his adventures... sorry I have to stop writing about that stuff, I can't make it through it hurts a little to much right now, maybe another time
Headed back to the car Tata with his linguistical talents had sparked a conversation with a rather beautiful young blonde woman (25-30) who was hitting with a couple of friends. Talking golf we learned she had started to play not to long ago, and her goal was to play with her dad on their trip to Hawaii, I guess thats what I miss enjoying the most the time spent with friends, and family enjoying a nice walk spoiled. We spoke for a little while, exchanged pleasantries and said our goodbye's, as she drove off my Tata turned to me in his classical yet expected manner and said,
"What did you do that for? I almost had her number until you came over."
- Cheers
Hey old buddy...interesting read that I can totally relate to. It's funny how things that were so important to us as kids and teenagers can just fade away as we "grow up" and become adults. Two of my passions, baseball and bowling did that for many years. Both of those sports provided me with so much joy and pride growing up. Unfortunately with baseball I still have resentment with how my "career" ended (i.e. Ron Burner took it away from me). On the otherhand I stopped bowling because real life got in the way - school, work, marriage, vacations. You name it, I did that instead of something I loved. It wasn't until recently that I found my passion for bowling again. I'm a realist, I know my baseball days are behind me, but much like golf you can bowl until you croak.
ReplyDeleteI guess the point I'm trying to make is that it's never too late to reconnect with the things in life you love. Lifes way too short to forget about the things that drive you, and more importantly, the things that make you happy. If golf does that for you, then shame on you for not taking it back up.
I hope all is well Justin...that's enough seriousness for me.
Take care,
Jason Landman
Funny thing... I was going to ask you about your passion. Golfing! Knowing you since you were born, I know how how huge it has been to you. Glad to see you're still swinging. And you've always been a sweet beaner, to me! And I'll come down and pick you up anytime you want to do a north county adventure. ANYTIME!!!!!! Or we could go to the mountains. Julian. Anything. I'm totally down!
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