Insert Walking Downtown 80s Montage

(Tuesday)

In true Mary Tyler Moore Show fashion ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iso1cTVXh5M - for those who don't know what I'm talking about) I went downtown and turned on some music on my EYEphone, slapped in the ole headphones and walked through the modern jungle. This is going to sound weird, but I often (not a lot but enough to mention) think about my life as a movie, and the theme songs that would define the situations that I put myself in; for example like on a longer car ride, I imagine that the camera slowly panning out over the top of me while Running Down A Dream by Tom Petty is blaring in the background follow by the end credits are transposed over the scene. F'ing Stupid I know, but still fun to exercise the imagination from time to time. With Incubus rattling the brain and my camera man behind me the movie began.

I know that I talked about this in Sunday's blog, but it needs to be said again. I actually really enjoy downtown San Diego, and if I didn't have da boys I would seriously consider moving there. There is always something happening, the sights, sounds, not the smells it is a living being. I beginning to think that I am a city boy... Never thought I would say that, but I have talked about this already, so I will move on.

I can't believe how beautiful the Winter has been!! It is Feb 8th and it is 75 degrees with a great cool breeze. Where in world would you rather be? On the east coast in a ice storm? No thanks! Although I do love the snow, only for a week at a time, and it's high time to make a trip to Big Bear from some boarding and relaxing.

As my readers you know about my emotional struggles, and you have been a large part of my healing and growth process. Most of my posts have been indirectly negative, debby downerish, but today is one of hope and positivity. For the past 2 months my emotional state has resembled a Sine Wave (there is my engineer side rearing its ugly head) with a large amplitude, extreme highs and the deepest lows. While walking down broadway a thought dawned on me... I couldn't remember the last low... more importantly I couldn't remember the extent of the low! I'm guessing that is a good sign. I won't go as far to say that I am in control of my emotions and my only hope is to one day be the master of my own domain, it just feels really good to know that day is out there somewhere, and I'm no longer fighting a losing battle. What I am afraid of is saying all the right things, getting my hopes up, believing in myself for the first time, and then blubbering like an idiot the first time I realize what I have lost, because I know that time is out there. It will always be there, waiting to pounce on me, crush me knowing that I am susceptible, weak to its piercing blow like a mighty thrust from Excalibur exposing my insides for all to see. It will haunt me forever, stalk, hunt me down like the prey that I am... But for this day my readers I can proudly say that I am a man that can face it, and live to weave and epic tale about my victory.

For this I say, "Let the highs reach the heavens, and the lows define our character" And it's nice to realize that I am a whole man, and not just pieces of a broken one

- Cheers